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As a student at the University of Liverpool in the 80s, Chris Coles called himself asexual. It made sense to him. When he hit his stroppy 30s, he would tell people he was frigid. The confusion over just what label to use is only one of many challenges asexuals in our sex-obsessed society face. Of all the sexual minorities – homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, and those with proclivities for just about anything – asexuals have had a low public profile and a real sense of isolation.
Now they are banding together in a bid for recognition, understanding and acceptance. An asexual person is commonly defined as someone who experiences no sexual attraction towards other people. But some professionals think the term is somewhat imprecise. Clinical psychologist and director of Sex Therapy NZ Robyn Salisbury says some people who call themselves asexual still masturbate regularly – “which isn’t asexual to me”. Salisbury says sex therapists would call that auto-erotic – that is, enjoying their sexuality themselves – rather than asexual.
Coles, now aged 40, is the self-appointed poster boy for the asexuality movement in New Zealand. After 28 years of feeling ill at ease with his lack of sexual attraction, he remembers the overwhelming sense of relief when he discovered the San Franciso-based website, Asexual Visibility and Education Network AVEN. To finally realise where he fitted in and to encounter other people who felt exactly as he did about sex was a watershed moment for him.
It’s very isolating,” he says.
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This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a man whose wife has come out as asexual, a woman whose partner is married to his.
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Two years ago, Dan Ritter, 19, found himself spending most of the summer fighting off a girl’s sexual advances. There wasn’t anything wrong with the girl, he wants to clarify. He just wasn’t sexually attracted to her. In fact, Ritter started to realise he wasn’t attracted to anyone.
Create a personalised profile and photos and describe your idea partner. Find members based on location, romantic orientation, lifestyle preferences. Show interest in the members you like via email or wink and let the journey begin. Meet your friend or ideal soulmate offline and start your wonderful lifetime. Asexuality or nonsexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the willful decision to not act on sexual feelings. The new study shows that about one percent of the population is asexual, it means there are nearly 70 million people are asexual and the number is on the rise.
Are you one of them? Do you think others can not understand your attraction or romantic orientation of asexual? Do you want a place to meet other people like you? Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else. Some are happier on their own, others are happiest to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships.
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Tim Gunn, American fashion consultant, television personality and actor talks openly about being asexual. Courtesy It Gets Better Project. Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie. Picture: Supplied Source:Supplied. Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.
the ways in which 13 self-identified romantic asexuals living in New Zealand experience and navigate Asexuality, dating, gender, relationships, sexuality.
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